


Love

by SoulOfAFangirl684



Series: Asexual Awareness Week Entries [1]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure
Genre: Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Characters, Asexual Relationship, Asexual Sora, Asexual Tai, Breakups, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Expectations, F/M, Growing Up, Idealistic Endings, Mature Teenagers, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Supportive Friends/Siblings, finding yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 01:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14438085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulOfAFangirl684/pseuds/SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: No one ever questioned Sora as to what she saw in Tai. They thought they already knew.Ace!Taiora, Written for 2016 Asexual Awareness Week.





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> After sharing Unconventional, (which I wrote for 2017) I figured I might as well post the fic I wrote for 2016's AAW here as well. It's not that I'm displeased with the way this one turned out... It is just more... idealistic, I feel. To the point where it may be a little hard to buy, I worry. But I don't regret writing it. This story was written really close to the year-mark of when I began to use the term 'asexual' to describe myself, so this was very much a project used to sort through my own experiences. 
> 
> AVEN—The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (mentioned multiple times in this fic) is indeed a real website, of which I cannot claim responsibility for creating or managing. Please feel free to turn to Google (which I also do not own) for more information.

No one ever questioned Sora as to what she saw in Tai. They thought they already knew. After all, Tai was so charismatic and outgoing. Not to mention handsome in that wild, athletic way. And there was that pesky matter of being childhood friends, of course. Matt may have been the real heartbreaker, but more than one jealous hopeful was left in Sora’s wake.

So it was no wonder why Sora was interested in Tai. She only wished sometimes that people thought the same things about her.

Make no mistake. Sora was entirely comfortable with who she was. As the years passed, she traded soccer for tennis, grew into her not-quite-tomboyishness. It was a comfortable in-between. And it kept the intrigue of most boys to a minimum. She was pretty, but not beautiful. Confident, but not outgoing. Mimi was the one romantic hopefuls flocked to. Sora just wasn’t that girl.

Which wasn’t something that bothered Sora herself. But it did baffle many of their peers—that someone as sought after as Tai would settle for someone like Sora, even if they did have history. It never amounted to true bullying. No one was ever purposefully cruel. But that persistent curiosity was always there, just under the surface, and sometimes, that was worse.

**…………**

It was the childhood friends thing that was the hardest. The more romantic observers called them soulmates. The fact that they’d met so young… What else could it be but fate? The more cynical of the bunch would say they were only together because they’d been pressured by the _idea_ of being soulmates.

But the truth was, they fit together better than most people could truly understand. Sora liked to believe something would have clicked between them even if they hadn’t met until they were fifty.

It wasn’t until they reached high school that their peers’ curiosity sometimes got a little awkward. She should have seen it coming, really. That many teenagers in one place? The hormones were unavoidable. The questions began to take on a different nature.

 _No_ she wasn’t using birth control, because _no_ she and Tai weren’t having sex, and _no_ that was not putting a strain on their relationship, thank you very much!

But even so, those were the easy questions. Much harder was the natural follow-up: Why not?

And when Sora tried to explain that she didn’t want to, that she didn’t think of Tai that way, she would get skeptical looks. Or worse… sympathetic clucking. Reassurances that it was okay if things didn’t work out with Tai despite all expectations. She would find The Right Guy someday. No one ever seemed to truly believe her when she stressed that they were both totally happy not having sex.

She knew Tai was getting the same questions from his friends. For the most part, they didn’t talk about it. They were comfortable and happy just the way they were. But they couldn’t deny that enough questions led to some questioning themselves. They were sixteen when they finally brought the topic out into the open.

Tai and Sora were settled on the couch in the Kamiya household. They were pressed up close, Sora’s head resting on Tai’s shoulder. The television wasn’t on. In fact, there was no activity in the room at all. Some might find this odd, but even the most energetic of the Digidestined needed to wind down sometimes.

“Hey, Tai?” Sora spoke up once they’d been quiet for quite some time.

“Yeah?”

She shifted to look him in the eyes and he was instantly a little more alert. “Do you ever feel like there’s something missing between us?”

Tai made a face. “Is this about what your tennis friends were saying the other day? How it doesn’t count as a _real_ relationship without the kissing and the hand holding and the sex and all that?”

“No.” Damn, he read her so well. “Well, not entirely… It’s not just what they said at practice yesterday.”

“It’s what everybody _always_ says, right?” he deduced correctly. Say what you will about Tai. He was impulsive, not dumb.

“I mean… is what we have really that strange?” She was suddenly intense, going into interrogation mode, as if they were going to settle this business once and for all. “You’ve really never wanted to have sex with me? You’re not just saying so because you know I don’t want to?”

Tai made a face at the very thought of it. “Definitely not.”

“And you’ve never wanted to have sex with anyone else, either? Not even out of curiosity or anything? I won’t be offended if you say yes.”

“Sora, _no_ ,” he stressed, laughing a little. “I have honestly never seen the appeal in the idea of having sex with anyone. Fictional or otherwise. Male or female. Or anything in between.”

She sat back. Though she’d already known what his answer would be, a tiny part of her was disappointed. She’d been hoping he would be able to explain the desire to her. “…Do you think it’s just, like, mindset? I just don’t _see_ people that way. I mean, I can recognize when someone is good-looking, but that’s never made me feel anything special towards them. What _is_ sexual attraction, exactly? Do you think it’s possible to have felt it and not realized it?”

Tai shrugged. “I don’t know… I mean, the way it’s described in movies and books and stuff, it sounds pretty hard not to notice. I tried to ask Izzy what it feels like, but he got all flustered and said he couldn’t really describe it.”

A smile quirked at Sora’s lips. Her seriousness faded away as she had to struggle not to laugh. “I can’t believe you actually came out and _asked_ what sexual attraction felt like…”

Tai shrugged, blushing a little. “Best way to get answers is to ask questions, right? I figured Izzy knows just about everything else, so why not?” He changed the subject. “Look, all I know is that I love you. And I don’t need to make out with you in public to prove it. I’m happy the way we are.”

Sora leaned back against him, appeased for now. The silence had settled back over them by the time she felt the sensation of someone’s eyes on them. She turned her head again, alerting her boyfriend to the intrusion as well, and they saw Kari standing at the kitchen counter. The look on her face was hard to describe, but she had clearly heard the majority of their conversation.

“Kari?” asked Tai. “What are you doing?”

She seemed to shake herself out of her dumbstruck state. “Wait here.”

Tai’s sister dashed off to their room and returned with a laptop. She wordlessly set it down on the coffee table in front of the couch before leaving them alone with it.

They both leaned forward to better see the screen. Sora could see ‘AVEN’ in big letters at the top. Unconsciously, they leaned forward even closer and began their own personal journeys into enlightenment.

**…………**

Sora had not previously considered herself uninformed, but now she felt as if she’d learned another language entirely. She had a whole new vocabulary at her finger tips. Asexual… She’d never put much stock in labels. But she couldn’t deny that there was something a little thrilling about having a term to explain her experiences. She had been unable to describe the emotions welling up in her chest as she scrolled through one post after another, reading about people who’d struggled to comprehend the same aspects of dating that she had never been able to fully wrap her mind around.

Granted, 1% of the world’s population wasn’t a lot. It certainly explained why neither of them had ever heard of asexuality before. At least not in ways referring to people. But 1% of nearly eight billion wasn’t nothing, either. And it felt good to be a part of something.

Which isn’t to say that label didn’t have its effects on her. All labels bring along their own sort of pressure and expectations. And from that point on, Sora found there was always some unresolved feeling lurking right under the surface. Their first foray into the online asexual community kickstarted Sora’s journey to rediscover herself. And she soon found that not everything could be taken with her.

Tai didn’t cry or exclaim angrily when she broke up with him. He had grown up a lot.  Even so, she knew she was breaking his heart.

**…………**

She swore she did not turn to Matt with the _intention_ of hurting Tai. They just sort of gravitated towards each other. She knew the other Digidestined were confused at their power couple’s abrupt end. Kari knew, obviously, but neither Tai nor Sora had “come out” to anyone else. (She wondered, was the _absence_ of an attraction something that needed to be announced?) They certainly all had their questions. But no one seemed to want to ask once she and Matt were together.

They were officially a couple for nearly a year. Dating Matt was certainly a new experience. She and Tai had not had to define many boundaries. They were rarely in conflict over the physical part of their relationship. Tai was most certainly ‘sex-repulsed’—prone to making childish faces during sex ed classes or when movies got… intimate. The term felt a little too extreme for Sora. She viewed sex with a detached sort of curiosity. She’d done plenty of research and understood the biological ins and outs of why sex brought people pleasure on a physical level. She’d just never associated physical affection with romance. Which Matt had a hard time understanding.

He was always polite about it. He never, for instance, accused her of playing with his heart or still loving Tai. Two things he must have suspected from time to time. But her total apathy—and at times, discomfort—when they were kissing was hard to disguise. Dating Matt was fun when they were out doing things together. She loved their discussions and, occasionally, debates. There was a part of her that did love Matt. But when they were alone, just hanging out at his house, he expected them to do regular couple-y things, and Sora came to dread those parts of the relationship.

Ultimately, it was Matt who ended it. He told her he just didn’t think she loved him the same way he loved her. An unfortunate conclusion she had come to months ago and had kept to herself. Matt said he wanted to end it before this relationship became toxic. Sora felt a little like they’d been subtly poisoning each other from the beginning. He cried. She didn’t.

She _was_ sad. She did care for Matt. She had wanted this to work. She hadn’t realized how badly until after it was over. But underneath that sadness, there was a measure of relief, too. And on the heels of that relief came the guilt. She felt a little monstrous. She wanted to explain to Matt somehow that he hadn’t just been an experiment to her. But how could she? After all, she hadn’t explained anything else to Matt, and now it just felt too late.

**…………**

She went to Mimi first. Mimi listened sympathetically and, for once, managed to hold her tongue until the end.

Sora tried to explain exactly where things had gone wrong with Matt without ever actually using the word ‘asexual’. Call it curiosity. She wanted to know what the bluntest of her friends would make of the situation.

Mimi was quiet for a long time, deliberating. Finally, she offered to set Sora up with a really nice girl she knew.

Sora thanked her but told her she didn’t think that was the problem.

**…………**

Eventually, as she knew she would, Sora ended up on Tai’s doorstep. He’d been expecting her. As they stood out in the hallway together, she found she wasn’t sure what to say.

“Hey,” he greeted at last.

“Hey.”

“…I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Matt.” His voice didn’t sound the least bit like he was gloating, and suddenly, the tears that had been absent during the break-up rushed to the surface.

She hurried to wipe them away. “I just… I feel like I’ve failed. Which doesn’t even make sense.”

She felt almost transported back in time as Tai’s face took on that same sad expression he’d worn when _they’d_ broken up. “I have a theory, if you want to hear it.”

She sniffled. “Okay.”

They settled down against the wall of the apartment building, pressed up close, the way they used to relax against each other all the time when they’d been together. They certainly would have been an odd sight if any of the neighbors had walked outside, but it felt right.

“When we broke up,” Tai started, “you told me you needed some time off to find yourself, but I don’t think that was it… I’ve been spending a lot of time on AVEN lately. Talking to the online asexual community in general, actually. You know the most common interaction I’ve seen when two aces meet for the first time? It usually becomes some sort of conversation to reassure each other that our sexuality is valid. I guess that’s just what happens when so few people know and believe asexuality is a real thing. But not everyone finds validation through a bunch of strangers online. I don’t think you needed to _find_ yourself. I think you were on a quest to _accept_ yourself. And, I mean, apparently you found Matt along the way…”

She gave a watery laugh. How was it that Tai always managed to see things about her that Sora didn’t recognize herself? Here she had always thought that she was the more comfortable of the two with her identity. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, Tai. I’m not sure why what we had suddenly didn’t feel good enough.”

He shrugged. “I kind of get it… Personally, I thought finding out I was asexual was kind of… liberating. I’d always known I was different, but now I knew for certain that there was nothing wrong with me. But I know that’s not the reaction everyone has. I know it’s not always welcome to have your suspicions confirmed that most of the world really doesn’t see things the way you do… That can be a hard thing to swallow… I think you thought you could validate yourself by making a relationship with a ‘normal’ person work.”

And there were all her unspoken, unacknowledged insecurities brought to light. She still wasn’t sure she liked the idea of being confirmed ‘different’. But she supposed at least she was in good company. Sora let her head drop onto Tai’s shoulder in companionable silence. This was the closest they’d been—in all aspects of the word—in more than a year.

She knew—without him having to say it—that Tai had never stopped loving her. In truth, she’d never stopped loving him. And she was safe in the knowledge that Tai was willing to wait until she’d learned to love herself.

**…………**

Their wedding was a small affair, attended only by the group of close family and friends who were perfectly aware that, over the course of their entire relationship, this was only the fourth time they’d ever kissed. Even without a crowd of onlookers, it was a fun night. Someone (Sora suspected Mimi) had filled the set list with explicitly sexual songs, which they danced to without discretion. Dirty jokes were shared and applauded, even though everyone present was well aware that the happy couple would go home and consummate their marriage with a nice night of not having sex.

In a way, their friends’ attitudes were the best kind of acceptance she could have asked for. Sora had taken a roundabout way of getting there, but she finally accepted herself. Her sexual orientation was no lesser than anyone else’s, and she was not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> It should go without saying that Tai and Sora’s personal experiences are not meant to represent the entire asexual community’s. Everyone has their own story and their own attitudes towards things like sex and romance and physical affection. (Honestly, as I was writing this, I realized there was no way I could possibly get in all that things I wanted to discuss that many ace people may view or experience a little differently than your average allosexual.) I tried to diversify Tai and Sora’s views a little, but they were both largely based on my own. This was both satisfying and frustrating to write, but I’m glad I did. Please feel free to tell me what you thought! 
> 
> I’ll be honest… I’m not entirely sure I got across the message I wanted to. I feel like it’s important to show that allo/ace relationships can work… (my best friend is currently in one and quite happy.) That was kind of the intention behind Sora feeling like dating another asexual wasn’t good enough. Oh well, that’s a task for another day. If anything, finishing this fic has left me feeling like I need to write, like, three other stories on the topic. (One of which, as I mentioned up top, I did end up writing for the next year's AAW.)


End file.
